Transcript: 

Welcome to the Us And Kids Podcast.
Finally, 2022 has arrived! Can you believe it? The first month is almost done.
We enjoy so much bringing you these bi-weekly podcasts to help you be married forever while you enjoy parenting your kiddos together. As a wife, a mom, and a grandma, and a marriage and family therapist, I know like you, this is not easy, but it is worth it.
So enjoy this chat today about kids. After all, this is the Us And Kids Podcast. So let's not just talk about the “us”. That is - the moms and dads trying hard to be married well, but also about those kiddos who make life so interesting, so overwhelming, so enjoyable.

I'm wondering which word would you pick out of the several that we are going to talk about? Let's play around with the word “Kids”.  Not just the kids that are baby goats, although they are pretty cute. We're talking about kids or kiddos as little infants who grew into chunky little babies, who grew into talking toddlers, who are growing into kiddos, who mix “no” with “why?”  Who soon are going to be doing more and more things on their own, helping out in an actually helpful way and going off to school.
Where did the time go?

So let's break up the ideas about kids with a chat about each letter. First of all, the letter K. When our kiddos are tiny, they mostly need kisses. In some ways they might like it the way the acronym goes: “Keep it simple and sweet.”

Our kiddos, when they're tiny, can often get overwhelmed by too much noise, too much light, too much touch, too many different people, too many different smells. It's true for much of a kiddos life that chaos and confusion and clutter can impact how a kiddo rests and resets and interacts. Not enough kisses, (keeping it simple and sweet) can overwhelm a little ones senses, creating crabbiness, not willing or able to sleep or eat well or cooperate.

Too much noise and activity, too much food, too many smells can move our kiddos from being so kissable into being so impossible. Remember, they are like that sponge - willing to take in any knowledge. Another K for knowledge: always watching and learning, even when we think they're not watching or learning.

Give them the best knowledge you have by showing them how to interact, how to touch, how to manage emotions. When they're little, they won't do this just yet because  their brain isn't tightly connected enough, but they will learn from you. They are knowing what they know most likely from you. So share your knowledge.

They will understand long before they can actually speak or speak intelligently. And they're learning from you at every minute of what you're doing. So our kiddos need kisses, but they also need knowledge.

And with that knowledge, they also need another K. They need kindness. You see, as we are kind to them at any age, they learn to trust us. And from that trust, they learn courage to try new things, to trust your guidance and input, and to be able to reset their emotions and their behaviors. They learn how to stop (doing something) as they come to  understand that stopping can be the safe choice as well as to keep on. It begins with this calm, steady interaction, regardless of the situation, calm and steady are elements within the idea of kindness.

It shows respect. And kiddos, even kiddos, know when they're valued and they react to that. Just like we react when someone disses us or leaves us behind or  leaves us out. We feel hurt , so do kiddos. Show them kindness.

And finally, the last K out for the K in kiddos is our kiddos are for keeps. Yes, keeps - like forever.

This means that we treasure them because they truly are one of a kind. For keeps means that we protect them. They have to last a long time. We protect them by how we talk about them and how we talk to them because they're always listening. They can hear if you're disliking them. Or if you value them.

Oh, there are times when we have to talk with our spouse about how frustrated we are. We talk with one of our friends about it. Make sure that you're not doing that where they can hear you. So protect how you talk, protect how you touch them so that they know they are for keeps. They are not trash. They are not worthless. They are not. But they are valuable. They never want to be lost or forgotten because they're so important to you.
Let your kiddos know they are for keeps.

Let's move on. We'll move on to the letter, I. Are you ready? And first of all, when I think of the letter, I, especially when it's around kiddos, I think how much they show their individuality!

Aren't they each with their own little personality?  We can see that when they're just tiny, if they're feisty or if they're calm or if they're determined. And we, as a mom and a dad, can influence that personality by how we interact with their personality respectfully. For example, when we think they are awesome and we are seeing the good in their not so good behavior we are showing respect  and helping to build on their strengths.

So let's clarify for just a minute: Seeing the good in their not so good choices”... because our little ones are little. They haven't learned and don't have all of the matrices we have in our brain about what makes a good decision or a bad. Often, they're just making a curious decision.  They're in an exploratory mood. And so as they go to pull the magazines off the table, we can see the good in that their little fingers figured out how to grasp that magazine. We can see that good. They can see the difference between the magazine and the table, and we can see the good that they wanted to experiment with the magazine paper, their fingers and sound.
What happens is I slide this? What happens? they wonder.
Listen, and watch that curiosity, because so much of what they're doing is just being curious, not being naughty. It's a part of their developing personalities and their curiosities. It's a part of becoming their own individual person. Have fun with them.

Other “I’s that go with our kiddos that make them indeed delightful are that they are independent and interdependent. And both of those big words go together. They are reliant on you. That's the interdependent. You are their teacher for teaching them how to talk, how to sit up, how to crawl, how to walk.

What's safe? What's dangerous, how to explore and try new things. They are interdependent on you and learning when they are safe and learning that you are their safe person that they can go to you when they need comfort. You will give it to them. When they need safety, they can go to you and you will help them be safe.

And as they grow, they will want to be able to do things on their own.  Moving into that independent space of being by themselves with their own little finger foods saying words, demanding things. Recently, my new little granddaughter (9 months old) was trying to eat applesauce. I was holding a spoon in my hand and it was just out of her reach and, boy! did she want the applesauce that was on this spoon! And she was telling me about it in quite a demanding tone. I laughed a little bit at her. We smiled and then we did get that applesauce right into her. They will demand things. They will want their food, they'll want their stuffies and those two -  interdependent and the independent will mix and flow back and forth for their whole life with you.
At times they will want to be independent, leave me alone. I can do it myself. I don't need your help and are interdependent. Even when our kids are grown, we'll still do that. They're independent and interdependent because they’re our kiddos.

Our kiddos are also Interesting. You might say, no kidding. The challenge in a busy house is to have the energy to pay attention and to compliment them on the interesting things that they say and do often. At least when I'm busy, I forget to say, or even notice the new skill, like putting a puzzle piece together or matching their socks that they did. They had a new skill and they stayed with it and they did it. And sometimes I watch it and I'm amazed. That's really cool. But then I forget to say, That's awesome!”
I love some times how they try and they retry and then they're so excited when they get it. They accomplish it. They put stories together. They put toys together. They sing songs with the words all wrong, but it's all pretty interesting.  And then they mix up the food combos!
The other day I made a pancake with peanut butter and jelly.  I had never done this before but it was this little guy’s idea to try. The pancake already had chocolate chips in it. Well, chocolate chips  and peanut butter is a pretty common combination.  Peanut butter and bread is OK. It was a jelly that sort of mixed me up. This kiddo didn't think it was bad at all. It was an interesting combination and he thought it was delicious. Really, what I want to encourage you to do is to enjoy the interesting things that your kids are doing.

Don't be so busy that you forget to say “That's really fun. I had never thought of it that way. That's an interesting idea!”
When they need a little redirection, start with, “That's an interesting idea.”
And then move it into, I wonder what would happen if we did this? So if they have to be led away from putting a toy into the wall plug,  move them away with curiosity so that they stay interesting and they stay curious.

Let's move on. We're going to get over ourselves all the way down to the D and let's start on the upside. Our kids are delightful. Well, when we have the energy to be delighted, then they are delightful. And yet when we do take that energy, we often find their fun and funny energy will lighten and brighten our moods.

Take the time - three and a half seconds - to find and to feel the delight in their curiosity, in their way of thinking, in their new words and antics and actions that our little ones are taking every day. They're building so many new brain neurons in these first three years of life.

It means that every day they have new brain pathways that are forming - pathways that they didn't have yesterday. And so what they were thinking or wondering about one day, they'll put together and they'll mix up in a different way the next day.
This makes them delightful. They're like a new recipe that's delicious every day! Enjoys them!

I know. This delightfulness can be blocked because of our own sense of overwhelm and despair. And we can move into the space of believing that this parenting stuff is just not D not doable. And that is a sad energy and hope draining thought. So let's have some courage for a moment and revisit it.

Is taking care of the responsibility of another human or another two or three or seven humans that you have around the house. Doable??
Let's think about what does doable mean? What tasks are you trying to take on? If doable means having a perfect child, one who sleeps, who eats, who does the diaper things on schedule, never cries or winds or complaints or disobeys then,yes, that is probably not doable.

However, if you are willing and have the courage, your own personal courage, to let your kiddos grow and explore, react, and respond to the world around them in ways that help their brains and their bodies grow, then that is doable. I agree with you. It does take skill and emotional energy from us. This parenting thing is not for the lighthearted.

And even if you start out that way, as you grow in wisdom and in courage about your Little's personality and development, you will see that you do have the skills and the ability to grow new skills. You can do, D do, because you are able to grow and learn, do- able. You can do it because you are able to grow and learn. Stay with it.

Parenting littles is tiring and trying, forcing so many new ways and so many new thoughts, but you are able to learn and to change. And as you do, you will see delight.
The Us And Kids Communication Program is about the “us”, the husband and wife, the married partner, part of family life, as well as the kids part of family life. We know that at least one of your hopes and your dreams is to be married forever even during those years where you are trying to parent kiddos.
And in this program, we will help you build the personal skills as well as the relational skills to keep you sweetly and deeply connected to your spouse, as well as thoroughly enjoying your kiddos. These skills apply at any age and stage. Because you are busy, we have put the eight necessary communication skills together, so that they're useful when interacting with your spouse and then tweaking them just a bit.

So they're useful in any parenting situation.
One program for both needs, marriage strengthening and parenting knowledge, because we know you do not want to do life without either one of them. Your spouse and your kiddos are so important to your day to day life, to your thoughts and your emotions.

And both of them, if we're honest, are our hearts deepest treasures. Honor those you love by using the skills from the Us And  Kids Communication Program in your everyday life, every day of your life.
It will help your life be fulfilling, unlimited in its conversations and interactions, and naturally good.

I hope you can join us in this program. If you're not quite ready for us, be sure to join us in the podcast because you will get tidbits about the program in almost every podcast that will help you grow in little ways throughout the year.
I look forward to meeting you sometime soon, hopefully in 2022! 
Have a good week, we'll catch up again later.

Bye-bye.

 Enjoy the podcast and printable while you wait. 

~Jan