Transcript: 

The Power of More Light to Feel Right in Darker Months

 

Hi. Welcome to the Us and Kids podcast. I am your host Jan Talen. I'm a licensed marriage and family therapist, a mom, a wife, and a grandma. This kid's podcast is about how to be married forever while you parent together. Today we are talking about depression because often in the darker months of winter, those little minions of depression can sneak into our hearts and minds, but also into our kiddos and it makes family life much more challenging. So I want to encourage you to subscribe to the us and kids podcast in your favorite podcast app and stick with us here. Remember that there will be a printable that you can get at the end of the podcast so that you will have the hints for keeping those depression minions away so that you can have the best days possible, even when it's dark and gray. Here we go.

 

When I say the word depression, what comes into your mind? Do you go, Ugh, to go? Oh my mom had that. I'm not interested. You say aye. Got it. And I don't know what to do with it. Or my spouse sure acts depressed. I dunno what to do with that. Let's start with a basic definition. Depression is an internal feeling of sluggishness or blondness. It can come into our lives and our kids' lives due to things that might generate sadness or loneliness. Hey can come because of the loss of something Corrine's including sunshine. It can also come from big changes and each person defines big differently. Feeling disappointed and just connected can also feed into the feelings of depression. Depression often has a sense of hopelessness to it, so what creates depression? Good question, right, and the answer is two things. Situations. Ken helped feed depression, so loss of someone or a pet or moving in, losing your sort of stable community can create that feeling of loss that often then leads into a place of depression.

 

We would consider that depression normal unless it starts to really disrupt every day life. Depression that comes from dark gray skies and sort of a gray sky inside ourselves or a gray blanket inside ourselves as well as gray skies outside ourselves is also caused from a loss of serotonin in our brains. Serotonin is a hormone and it is a hormone that gives us pleasure and helps us feel optimistic or upbeat. We need to make serotonin every day. And we do that by eating good food, moving our bodies, smiling and laughing, sleeping when it is nighttime and absorbing sunlight or daylight through a window, being directly outside or using a day lamp. A day lamp is not your light lamp that is sitting on your coffee table, um, or your end table. It is a lamp that is made with the filaments that are very similar to the sunshine.

 

And so it was purchased specifically for sitting by when we're reading a book to give us more of that day light that will help our brains create more serotonin. Well, sad to say, but women more than men often experienced this drop in serotonin when it is gray outside. So that means if you're living with a woman, if you are a woman, if you know women, you might be impacted. Bye. They are lower levels of serotonin. That would mean they might think things are less funny. They might stop doing things because they're too tired. They can't think, and it sounds like excuses to you if you're not in their space for them of it's a lack of serotonin, it probably is true. It's tough to think and keep going.

 

Hmm. Let's talk about some of those clues that mid-winter sadness. Depression can be sneaking into your body, brain or relationship. These clues would be things like, I don't want to get out of bed. I'm [inaudible] overeating, binge eating, a whole bag of chips. All the Cheerios or under eating. The pull towards alcohol is stronger. Phone time and phones scrolling. Just getting sucked into your phone. An hours go by is a clue that something's not quite right. Taking more naps, longer naps and doing the least amount of things possible is also often a clue. Remember, these are clothes.

 

Hmm. Other clues. Other clues could include four, get fullness, crab, Enos, lower sexual energy and interest. More messiness, more lack of attention to detail, especially in your finances or in personal care and hygiene and household upkeep. One clue is usually not mean that we are working on low serotonin depression. A combination of clues could mean that it might be worth going, Hmm, what's going on and what should we could we would be wise to do about it? It's Alma, you are thinking, Oh, all of those clues. Yeah, that's me every day. Oh, I shoot. And some of those things can become daily habits, which will eat your serotonin and not help it regenerate. Well, but really it's when they become ramped up and just stressing to you and to those around you that we would pay more attention to whether or not the serotonin levels are being sort of bumped out of your brain.

 

Some of you are thinking, wow, my kid is acting like that. They used to be neat. Now they are sassy and crabby. They don't want to cooperate with anything and they don't want to do anything. If your kiddo is school age or trying to get back into the routine of being back at school or daycare after being home for Christmas break, these changes can impact their stress level, their confidence and their serotonin levels. So what we suggest to help so that we move through this darker season. Whether or not your a kiddo or an adult, it's really the same. You might adjust it for your kiddos, but still they help and they give space for the kiddos to return back to the self that they know they don't like to being depressed. They don't want to be crabby. They are confused by their low level of energy as well.

 

So what are some of those keys to keeping serotonin alive in our brains when it's dark outside? Good question. Here are some keys. We did clues, now we're doing keys. We can't generate this on our own. One of the keys is daylight and most particularly sunlight. You're right. We don't have much control over that. Aside from being sure to notice that it's sunny, don't sleep through the afternoon when there's sunshine. Get yourself outside into the sunshine as much as you can. The sunshine has to come in through your eyes and so sleeping doesn't count. Keep your eyes open, do some housework in front of those windows. Go outside and take a walk. If you're in a place where I could do a little yard work, I could clean up this stuff over here. Maybe I want to pick up the dog stuff and get a little head start on that spring lawn cleaning thing.

 

Stay outside. Make sure that [inaudible] are letting your body and your eyes and your brain absorb that sunlight. Some of you will say it's too cold, it's too cold, and I'm going to say maybe, but usually if we dress up and we go outside, that bump in serotonin feels so good. We forget how chilly it is outside trusts up. Your kids go outside 1520 minutes. We'll really give yourself a nice little boost so there's go outside when you can. For our kiddos that are going to school, they often have the choice to stay outside or inside for recess and this is a good parental piece to help them be prepared so that they can go outside because there's a lot of stress that goes on in school and if we can get them outside the outside air helps our brains and our emotions to reset. Moving our bodies helps those emotions to reset and for kiddos.

 

Play helps those emotions to reset. So at school, if they have an option to go outside for recess, encourage them to do that. Also help them like you're helping yourself less phone time, less screen time, and if you have the finances and the time, add some organized activity with other kids, something that your kid would like to do that would be fun. That is physical, that may be creative. Sometimes Jimnez takes her indoor soccer or dance, whatever it does to keep your kiddos bodies moving. Don't forget to invite another family over. Let kids run through the basements, clean out your garage so that they can go and in there and be loud as they want to be. Let them build forts, jungle gyms, things that they can jump and bounce on because for kiddos as well as for adults, that body movement and creativity helps to keep that serotonin alive and available.

 

Well, what else could we do? What's another key? Eat real food. Serotonin levels that dip when they start to slide down. Our brains react to that by saying, give me some carbs. Where are those chips? I want those crackers. I'll have another piece of that. Bread and shaker. I'll take that cookie. Yes. Oh, some ice cream after that. That would be great. I'll munch on those. M and. M's. Oh, there it goes. And when we're adults, often we think a little glass of wine. Oh, one more. Oh, it's been two hours and oops, we took in a lot. Sugar eats up the proteins that are inside the serotonin. And so the serotonin can stay in your brain, lower the shaker for you and for your kids up the protein and the complex carbs. He keeps your brain at a more steady pace, being fed in a more steady manner and keeps your emotions more steady than of course too, right.

 

And you're right. A key for holding on to serotonin levels and keeping those depression minions out of your house and out of your brain. Eating is good and eating is fun, but it's not as much fun if you do it alone. So my next key is a reminder to stay social for you. And for your kids. Social interaction when it's good, boosts our confidence in ourselves and that's what low serotonin wants to deplete is that confidence. So good social interaction has eye contact, creative, enjoyable conversations, fun interactions. It might be playing games, it might be helping somebody else with a new recipe. It boosts our mood and it builds in the idea that is true, that we are valued and loved. Often when we're interacting, we end up laughing, we end up touching a hug, hello, a hug goodbye. And we have that sense of camaraderie.

 

We're not alone. That builds hope and courage and those things are not good friends with those depression. Minions chase him away with that key of staying social. Another thing that we can do to help keep those depression minions away is to help out someone else. No. Remember that can be as much as being a little more generous to one of your kiddos. It can also be helping out a friend or your spouse. It doesn't have to be big helps. It can be. Um, spouse says, Hey, if you're at the store, we need this and this. And instead of saying get it yourself, which is what depression would say. You go, yeah, I'll grab it. Or you're in the store and you know your neighbor just had a new baby and you text her quick and say at the store and eat anything because it's easy. It also keeps us from looking so deeply inside ourself, which is what depression wants us to do is just keep looking and evaluating ourself and how bad are we and how worthless are we had, how nobody likes us and we're not going to be good enough. We've never been good enough. And that depression language can just balloon into crazy ugly.

 

But when we help someone else, you know what? It helps us too. So that key is don't be afraid to help someone else out. I really don't care if you want to. The idea here is in using these keys is to do them because the feel good will happen afterwards. The serotonin and the boost in the rest of your brain chemicals will go up because you did that. So I think you can hear some of what I'm saying. If I look at the overall picture is [inaudible] no hibernating. Just because the sun is hibernating. Your people around you still want and need you. So don't do that. Disappear emotionally and physically for that special. Someone in your house. Remember member to stay connected intimately. That means don't forget to hug hello and goodbye. Add a kiss, a real kiss. Take and save time for some bedtimes snuggling spaces.

 

Yeah, I couldn't have like this, but this is the truth. It doesn't really matter that you don't want to. That's depression talking not your true self. The tenderness of lovemaking, not just having sex, but I've loved making helps to fight off those depression minions that wants to say, you're too ugly. You're too fat, you're too smelly, you're too crabby, you're too worthless, or whatever too. You have inside of you staying connected with your spouse and your partner was smiles. Touches and intimacy are significant in helping those depression. Minions sit down and settle down. Well, I know I just talked about touch because that's an important key. Touching sends messages to our brain when of course the touches kind that we are loved and lovable. It releases dopamine into our brain and that supports a serotonin to calm us down and give us that little opposed of 3% of confidence and courage. Confidence and courage are so important in fighting off the depression, hopeless minions that want to invade your kiddos in your spouse. It's fine with me if you make a morning habit of having a group family hug and an evening a group family hug of bedtime snuggles and S and giggles add smiles and touches to whatever you're doing around those you love because it will help them and it will help you bring sunshine and light into your family even though it's gray outside.

 

So a key thing that your family and your partner can do is in your bathroom space or if you have a mirror that sort of heads on the way out the door or on your kitchen table is to have a dry erase marker or a tablet and to write down things each day that you are glad about that we're good. Depression wants us to go into the dark, ugly, no good. There's nothing good that happened at all today and as a family, if we work to remember the things that are good, we can keep the crabby, crabby, ugly words, angry words out of the house. So putting down things like big things like a new job, two little things like, Hey, laundry is in the laundry basket and not in the dryer. Staying positive, helpful and optimistic is really wise. Using others. Optimism to help you stay optimistic is also really wise.

 

You know, if you need a joke book or a comedian or a funny show to just help yourself laugh because it changes the chemical balance and it's good and it's bonding and it's fun. Then do that. One other key to keeping depression away on these darker days can be to pay attention to your spiritual life. My spiritual life of being a Christian, I use music by Christian artists. I use prayer and Bible words in quotes that are encouraging and uplifting. Often. My one for winter is when Jesus says and promises, I will never leave you or forsake you because depression can make me feel pretty lonely. Yeah. Another Bible quote that I like that I often think and just invite Jesus to do over me spiritually is to rejoice over me with singing. That is to sing with me, to give a song inside my heart and then to cover me with his love so that I can feel comforted and strengthened as some of you don't have that same space as what I do.

 

You have a different space, use different words. Get a quote from another, someone else that's impactful to you. Write them down, share them, let them settle into your brain and you will become more content and calm and confident, so you're right. We named this podcast light to feel right. That's because light comes in so many ways. The sunlight from the sky is indeed important, but also a lighter tone of voice. A lighter touch. Yeah, a lighting up the room with a smile, a keeping the lights on and not sitting in the dark. A sparkle in your eye, the light of hope and joy. When you share good things with others, where ever you are in the world, whether in the dark of winter or if you are in a place where it's everyday is summer. Enjoy good, good, healthy living, share it with your kiddos and with those around you, I think you know we're getting closer and closer to releasing our course at DNA for fun. And there you will continue to learn about the impact of touch and connecting and communicating and how do you do it with your partner and with your [inaudible]

 

kid house. As always, I'm so glad you took time to listen and joined me today. You know that there's some discussion that can grow on our Facebook page and that you can get any information you want about signing up for the webinar in the course via the website are said kits. You are worth the effort. Take good care of yourselves and those you live with. Remember to grab the printable so that these clues and keys are easy to get to and youth talk to you next week. Bye bye.